Monday, October 31, 2011

five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes

Swinging (A Haiku)
I have learned this year
the beauty of a hammock;
it can heal all wounds.

One year ago today I arrived in San Juan Ermita. After a typical problem-ridden Guatemalan bus ride that had forced a sleepover in Chiquimula with pizza and a Julia Roberts movie (poor me), I sat in my stuffy little room and wondered...what the hell do I do now? I find it incredibly...well, incredible. I sat in my house today and thought, 'it doesn't feel like a year.' Yes, I think about home and it seems like forever since I've been there. I think about how long it's been since I sat in a classroom or had to do homework. My life in Seattle feels like a lifetime ago.

But, at the same time, my life here feels like it's just starting. I'm just getting going, creating a routine, finding all the possibilities. I didn't understand how I could think both ways at once. It seems pretty impossible to feel like I've been gone forever and here for just a bit. I guess I've spent the last year in a sort of limbo. I'm good at adjusting, and I never imagined it would take a whole year to settle in here, but it really has. I have spent a lot of time feeling unproductive, but looking back, I'm pretty sure every little thing (no matter how frustrating or seemingly useless) was part of the process. And, I won't lie, it's been hard. Feeling unproductive and useless is one of the worst feelings there is.

A couple months ago, when this day started appearing on the horizon, I didn't really like thinking about being one year into my service. It made me a bit panicky to think that I was going to be half way done- didn't that mean I should have already gotten half of my work done? If that was true, I wasn't going to accomplish much in my service. I'm surprised to find, though, that now that this milestone has arrived, I am spending much more energy focused on my excitement for the future than worrying about the time already passed. I'm ready to start being pushy and take charge and make things happen.

In the mean time, I'll just keep "settling in". Every time the neighborhood kids knock on my door ("Hola, Doris!" they say each time. "My name is Alexandra," I tell them, always laughing. "We know, but we like to call you Doris Alexandra!" they giggle. I still haven't figured out why), or someone in town calls my name when I pass, or I need something and know exactly where to find it and how to get it, I know it's all the product of this past year. And, hopefully, it's all just been getting me ready for an exciting and fulfilling second year of service. Wish me luck~

"Bon Dieu! may I some day do something truly great. amen.” -E.E. Cummings

Picture Post

I know I've been awful about posting lately. Here are a few photos from the past month (and then some...)
mashing up berries for homemade wine


kayaking on lake atitlan


some of our training group at the lake


homemade apple pie during a visit from brynna